Well… here it is. The start of something new.

I started this blog mostly because I need something to occupy my time with when N is off “playing airplane”, but also to document my experiences as a pilots’ girlfriend. In our short time together we’ve already been through so much. Hopefully someday another woman will stumble across my blog when she Googles “I’m a pilot’s girlfriend”. Maybe she’ll learn from me like I’ve been learning from the many pilots’ wive’s blogs I’ve stumbled across recently. Someday my blog might give hope to those girlfriends out there who wonder “can I really do this?”. Until then, I figured it might be best to start all the way back at the beginning.

N and I met about 4 months ago on eHarmony. The whole eHarmony thing is an issue entirely to itself… Initially I found the whole concept of eHarmony, and “paying to find love”, ridiculous. I never wanted to join. In fact, I refused to join. Then a friend purchased me a three month membership, and helped me write and set up my profile. I promised her my hardened frigid-biotch heart would give this whole online dating thing a try… for three months. Then I was done.

I sifted through dud after dud, and then along came N. His smile was what got me. Genuine, and warm. He doesn’t just smile with his mouth, his eyes smile too… and there was one picture in particular, one of him in uniform that caught my eye. It looked sort of like this... but this is not "the picture".

Hubba hubba. Yes, ladies… a uniform! I think I almost squealed with delight when I saw it. Then my eyes darted down to occupation. “Okay, he’s a pilot” I thought and shrugged. Not a big deal, he flies planes (little did I know). I read the rest of his profile and really liked what he put out there. He liked old black and white movies, enjoyed motorcycles, and was a dog person. He used proper grammar and really seemed to be quite intelligent. “What the heck?” I figured. I sent a message fully expecting that “someone like him” would never be interested in “someone like me”. **I’ll drop back on this whole idea of “someone like me” later** But lo and behold… I got a message back. He was adorable and sweet from the get go, and the date was set. He was home from flying over Memorial Day weekend, and we were going to get coffee. Harmless, right?

Memorial Day came. At the last minute I was invited to an All American photo shoot in honor of Memorial Day, and got all dolled up in my best pin-up style. Oh yes, pin-up. Red lipstick, fake lashes… the whoooooole works. Of course, I totally thought how unnatural this was once I had reached the coffee shop. At around this time I also realized the dress I was wearing was perfect when standing still at photo shoots but catastrophic when combined with my slightly large chest region and any sort of normal movement. Thank God my car doubles as a wardrobe and I happened to have a black sweater handy!! I pulled myself together and, running 30 minutes late, walked into the coffee shop.

There he was. I remember this moment perfectly because my heart did flip-flops when he looked up and smiled. My God… I fell in love with his smile and I’m still in love with it today. Most of the date was a blur with the exception of a few moments. Most notably was when I spilled his huuuuuuge steaming hot Americano all over. I jumped up attempting to avoid the rush of scalding hot coffee, and uttered a few choice words (to this day I will swear I said “shoot” but deep down we all know the truth).  My cheeks blazing red, I hurried completely and totally embarrassed back inside to purchase him a replacement. N probably sat there smirking and finding it adorable how flustered I was. At this point, I was really wishing the coffee shop had a back door I could run out. I ruined a pair of adorable shoes, and probably stained the concrete outside Acoca, but gained a memory in our relationship I will cherish forever. And I’m sure glad I didn’t run out the back door because that day, I think, I had my last first kiss. Things were wrapping up. He had to meet his cousin, and I was late for my Gramps birthday celebration. He had me feel shaky and nervous the whole time and I didn’t think I could stand up without fainting... “Don’t worry about it. You go. I’m just going to hang here for a bit.” I said and waved him off to meet his cousin. He took one step, then turned around, leaned over me, put one hand behind my head and gave me the most perfect, earth- shattering, only people in this room, I-think-it-might-take-me-a-week-to-start-breathing, first kiss. This kiss… it was magic. It was perfect. It was everything I could have ever expected a kiss to be. Imagine your perfect kiss. That was it, but just for me. We kissed for what seemed like seconds (but probably made the entire coffee shop nauseous) and slowly were able to pull ourselves apart and say goodbye. Once he had left, I sat in that tiny uncomfortable chair smiling like an idiot and thanking God for the person who invented eHarmony, allowing me to be open to something new, and for leading me to the moment I just had with N.

We dated. Every time he wasn’t “playing airplane” he always made time for me. I live with two people (a guy and a girl) up in Green Bay, and he’s living temporarily with his brother down in Oshkosh. With an hour between us, spending time together was pretty much dinner and a movie. And kissing, if I was lucky. Soon I started going down to his brother’s house and making dinner. We’re confined to a very small kitchen and his room, but it’s out of the way of my super nosey and incredibly obnoxious soon to be ex-roommates (whom I love dearly, seriously). Our time together is so incredibly precious that I don’t care if it’s in a cardboard box!! Any time with N is good time in my books.

Anyone who knows me knows I don’t fall in love easily. I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve been used. I’ve been a live in girlfriend with all the perks of a wife and none of the commitment. Yes I like to make people happy, and I’m a “pleaser”, but anyone who knows me knows I wasn’t in a rush for “live in girlfriend” to happen again. N is different. N makes me want to give him everything. If N simply sat there for the rest of his life and let me make him happy… I’d be complete. I love spending time with him. If I can make him smile, I light up inside. I love N.

I came to this realization much earlier than I would have expected. A few weeks into knowing N, it almost slipped out. A simple phone conversation would have gotten really awkward if “I love you” would have slipped out at the end. I’m so conditioned to do this with anyone close in my life. My parents, my grandparents, my little sisters, friends… and now apparently, N. I caught myself but it got me thinking… did I really love him? I knew the answer, but I was too scared to admit it. Even to myself. Then there we were. Lying in bed after… well, that’s personal… I asked him what he was thinking and he got evasive. I’m a pretty persistent (translation: nosey) person so I kept at it. I pouted. I begged. I acted defiant. He claimed whatever he didn’t want to tell me was something he didn’t know how to say. “Just spit it out!” I said “say whatever comes out first”. I sat there. My eyes imploring he tell me just what was going on in that brain of his.

“I love you.”

The world stopped. Like our first kiss it was just N and I. I couldn’t breathe. My head started to feel light. I literally couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I struggled to get my breathing in check and pull out the words “I’m absolutely crazy in love with you too and I have no idea how, or why, or what happened, but I LOVE YOU too”. Instead I just sat there probably looking like a deer in headlights. I could see him trying to control his breathing and his lip was twitching ever so slightly. His eyes were searching my face for some sign of life, or even mental function. Yet there I was. Dumbfounded someone as incredible as N could possibly love me. When I was finally able to string words together coherently I told him I loved him too. In fact, I had for a while but didn’t know how to say it.


We spent the rest of the curled up talking and laughing. All the while I was thinking about us and the life we could have. In that moment I knew how incredible it would be to spend my life with him. I knew I would only have him part of the time… but in that moment I knew I wanted him no matter what.